It Was the Last Thing I Expected

My parents started with nothing and went on to make a lot of money. Growing up, they convinced my sister and me that they were going to spend it all on themselves. If we wanted to “maintain the lifestyle to which we had become accustomed” — I remember those exact words out of my dad’s mouth — we were going to have to earn that ourselves.

And throughout our childhood, they were consistent. They did everything they could to avoid leaving a trace of entitlement in us. That looked like Payless shoes, no brand-new car on our sixteenth birthdays (they matched whatever we managed to save), and an annual sixteen-hour drive to Mexico to deliver carloads of used clothes, shoes, and toys to the tiny remote village where my grandfather lived.

It was somewhat of a surprise, then, when they got me a condo to live in during law school. They had always promised to support us through our education and they didn’t want me moving back home after college, so I went straight from the UC Irvine sorority house into a condo in Hollywood.

The plan was for me to take over the law firm my parents had built from scratch — my dad as the attorney, my mom as the financial and business brain. It wasn’t my dream, but it was a way to honor everything they’d given me and to protect the family. Only a lawyer can own a law firm, so if my dad passed, we’d be forced to sell. It was also a way to ensure I could afford the only lifestyle I’d ever known.

But it was miserable. Soul-sucking. The little voice in my head kept saying, “this can’t be my life.” I thought a month alone in Costa Rica would fix it. It didn’t, though I had the adventure of a lifetime. What I needed was work that actually helped people make their lives better, and this wasn’t it.

As I went back and forth with myself about whether I could ever actually leave, I got a curveball. My dad called me on my lunch break while I was driving to Whole Foods and told me he was divorcing my mom. It was suddenly every man and woman for themselves. I left the firm first. My mom followed not long after.

She came out of that long, ugly divorce a different person. But even that transformation couldn’t prepare me for what came next.

Standing on the Sidewalk

Fast forward about fifteen years. I’m a REALTOR® and mortgage broker, still doing some legal work on the side to protect against the feast-and-famine nature of real estate.

My mom had sold the Hollywood condo during COVID and told me she’d use the proceeds to help me buy a house. That was already unexpectedly generous.

Then I found a beautiful five-unit multifamily property in my Pasadena neighborhood. Listed at $2 million. I figured the condo proceeds plus my savings plus a mortgage would get me there. We went to see it together, and afterward, standing on the sidewalk out front, she leaned over and whispered, “Go ahead and make an offer. All cash.”

I could not process what I had just heard.

But before I could fully absorb it, she brought me back to earth with a warning I will never forget: “This is your inheritance. You better not lose it.”

The pressure and sense of responsibility was enormous. My gratitude was even greater.

I moved into one unit. The other four brought in enough monthly income for me to live comfortably and, for the first time, retire my legal career entirely. I could finally do work I loved without the constant fear of losing the security and comfort I’d always depended on.

Why She Did It

I know that decision was no small thing for my mom. She had thought it through for a long time.

She had always worried that handing us money would make my sister and me lazy or unproductive. We both knew stories of people who had squandered inheritances, racked up debt, or simply never developed the skills to manage real wealth.

What gave her confidence, I think, was that she had seen how I handled money. When she left the law firm, she started a 501(c)3 nonprofit called The Financially Fit Foundation to teach financial literacy. I helped her build the curriculum based on the exact skills and systems she had used to run our family’s personal and business finances, and I served as Executive Director, leading the live workshops.

I also wrote a book called S.A.V.E. Yourself: Develop the Financial Fitness to Spend in Alignment with Your Values, Not Your Ego. Shameless plug: it’s on Amazon in print and audio, recorded by yours truly. The point is, I practiced what we taught. I think that went a long way toward making her comfortable with gifting me my inheritance at 41.

She has done the same for my sister, in her own way. She helped her buy a house years ago, and she made a significant contribution to the 1031 exchange I helped guide my sister through. We sold my sister’s condo and put those proceeds toward a seven-unit apartment building. My sister has a strong career in entertainment at one of the major LA talent agencies, but she’s also aware that layoffs can happen to anyone at any time. If she ever loses her job, or decides she wants to spend a season raising my nephew full time, she’ll be okay. She’ll have the freedom to live life on her own terms.

That is what I want for everyone fortunate enough to be given this opportunity.

What This Gift Actually Makes Possible

If your adult child is ready, or might be ready soon, for both the freedom and the responsibility that come with an early inheritance, I’d love to talk.

Here’s what that looks like when we work together. I facilitate the initial family conversation, because these things go better with a neutral, experienced person in the room. I provide the financial coaching to make sure your adult child has the skills, the system, and the ongoing support to handle the gift itself and any income it generates. I serve as your REALTOR® and mortgage broker to find and purchase the right property. And I can mentor your adult child through the experience of becoming a homeowner or a landlord, because that part is its own education.

The Case for Now

The alternative is to wait. And whenever an inheritance arrives, it is a blessing — full stop. There’s nothing wrong with the traditional approach.

But the difference between now and later is impact. Most people receive inheritances in their 50s and 60s. The time of life when that gift would change things most, though, is in their 30s and 40s, when they’re still figuring out their work, their homes, and their lives. That’s when the money gives them the most options. Possibilities shrink as we age. That’s just the reality.

Of course, none of this is one-size-fits-all. Every family is different, every adult child is different, and the right answer depends on factors no blog post can fully account for.

But the question is worth sitting with. Because there’s something no estate plan can replicate and no check delivered after you’re gone can give you: the experience of watching your child’s life change while you’re still here to see it. To be present for the moment the weight lifts. To know, not merely hope, but know, that the wealth you spent a lifetime building didn’t just transfer on paper. It transformed a life. And you were there.

That’s something money alone can’t buy. But money, given at the right time and in the right way, can make it possible.